Cedar Hills Days

I didn't mean to make you believe in a reoccurring dream.
Because while you were working up the courage I was across the city
remembering this night last year.
I was with his family.
and I had just bought a new dress (I wore that dress yesterday, actually)
and just learned how out of place I was with the tight kids.

I watched the fireworks 

close enough to you to not need a blanket on my legs, 

but far enough that you had to repeat yourself too often.

It was like old times.

It was new times.

It was better.

We remembered all the old stories

and all the could have should have would have

I never told you how I wished you'd see me all those years.
How many jealous nights I spent on your phone number.

How I had wished for a recurrence of our little cameo.

and yet here we are

you wishing for another season

me wishing for a flat-line relationship

 I don't control the weather

and my heart makes rain clouds better than sun

So don't ask for me in July

I didn't know what to do.

Or how to tell you I was confused.

Unsure.

exhausted. vulnerable. strong.

but I hope our little running doesn't have a finish line.

Cause I might be walking right now
but I'm gonna need some distance when I'm running.